Sometimes we end up stronger at the broken places

A lot of people don’t know this, but I battled an eating disorder from age 15 to 18. When it began I had just lost my maternal grandfather, who in many ways was a father figure to me. My mom was having a very hard time dealing with that loss and rightfully so. My dad, he was an amazing man, but he was also human. He had flaws and struggles of his own. He battled a drug addiction most of my life. At that time I felt like EVERYTHING was spinning into madness. I was unraveling faster than I could control, but I could control what I ate or didn’t eat. That was until I couldn't control it anymore.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, first of all, I know that there are many women and men included who have battled their own ED and I want them to know they aren’t alone, it does get better and you don't have to feel ashamed when asking for help. Secondly, I used to be SO ashamed of this. It was this ugly darkness that I carried with me, but now I realize it’s just another war I fought and won. I don't want to give it anymore power of me because it's just another hardship that ultimately made me stronger in the end. And lastly because I'm sick of the stigma attached with eating disorders. Everytime someone shares their story that stigma goes away a little more.So many times when we are going through a tough situation we feel extremely helpless and alone.

I want you to know that you are not alone and you are not worthless. You matter. You matter so damn much!Now I can look back and realize that everything I went through, every struggle, every life altering event including the sudden deaths of both of my parents has made me the woman I am today. It’s given me this strength to be able to sit here and tell you that things can get better. That you will feel strong again, even in the broken places.

If I never went through my battles not only would I have not found my strength, but I wouldn’t have found my perspective on life that those hard lessons taught me. Don’t get me wrong I obviously would give anything to have my parents back, but I can’t deny what losing them has taught me.While it didn’t start because I was concerned with my weight it ultimately became a concern in the end which led me to reaching out for help. You are not alone and I'm here with zero judgement if you EVER need someone to talk to.

If you or someone you know if struggling with an eating disorder please contact 1-888-822-8938 💖